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This is Why I Can't Have Nice Things
Dec. 28th, 2024 12:45 pmI wish I wasn't the sort of person that can and will forget entirely about something within a split second. After recalling once more that I do indeed have a dreamwidth account, I can't help wonder how I could have possibly forgotten in the first place. Especially since I now recall that directly before I forgot, I was thinking to myself that I was going to be SO on top of using this as my digital diary.
I haven't checked, but if I'm remembering correctly, my last update involved something on the matter of getting a new mando and the muse blessing me with their inspiration.
Ha.
Well. Yes. The mando thing has been coming along (though I've been vacillating between mandola and ukulele tuning), and I even got some nifty finger plectrums so my string picking isn't as quiet as a whisper whenever a song calls for a some speed. Having this newest instrument is really driving it home for me, though, that I am an inexplicably covetous being. Before I got this lil taterbug mando, I felt like I could think of nothing else but getting one. However, before I got my lil lyre, I felt the same way then, too. And before that, there was the taishokoto. And earlier, the pennywhistle. The ocarina, the kalimba, the ukulele, the mini guitar. . . . I was originally just a violist. And yet, my instrument craving still lingers, howling for a hognose psaltery, a hammered dulcimer, a nyckelharpa, and a minstrel's harp.
I even have it in the back of my mind that I should get a DIY kit and build myself a fiddle, but one with mechanical tuning pegs rather than the traditional tension type. I've never build any kind of instrument in my life, but the Craving (TM) whispers enticements into my ear that it would finally the perfect instrument for me, that I would crave no more after I make it. After all, the viola was the thing I was actually trained in, and the only reason I stopped playing was because the fear that the tension tuners would cause the metal strings to snap and cut me because of the not-violin-friendly climate zone I moved into.
This wasn't what I meant when I asked for inspiration from the muse, but this apparently what I got.
To be fair, since the last update, I also took up the challenge of 250k word within 45 days. I play the browser RPG 4TheWords, where players fight monsters by writing, and one of the quests I took up during a special event was that exact challenge. 6k words a day. The good news is that I actually succeeded. The bad news is that I succeeded by working on every WIP I currently have all at once, and even starting new ones as well; any true progress was negligible. None of my priority project even got enough to finish a chapter.
I really don't know why I simply can't get the words on the page. Something about the act of typing just. . . . I don't know. I'm looking into voice-to-text programs to see if I get around myself that way.
It probably won't assist on that front that I've made multiple new social media accounts. I've signed up for Bluesky, Lemmy, Bookwyrm, and Telegram. They're mostly for keeping up with current events (and getting book reccs in the case of Bookwyrm), but I will admit that I have a bit of a scrolling problem. I'm definitely not a doomscroller (as soon my enjoyment drops to a certain level, I'm off the app to do something else), but I do derive a good amount of serotonin from browsing tags I follow. I love getting inspiration from people's artstyles and witticisms. The main problem with that is that doing so keeps me from actually acting on the inspiration.
Executive dysfunction? I don't know if that's actually the term for it, but I've yet to find any other term whose definition sounds like what's going on with me.
I don't know. I want to write, I want to read, I want to play music, I want to watch musicals, I want to craft, I want to sculpt, I want to woodword, I want to research, I want to learn, I want to collect, I want to practice divination, I want to draw, I want, I want, I WANT.
There's not enough time to do everything. But there's so much time, I can't feel the urgency to move.
Damn, I wish I was formally diagnosed with whatever I have, and that I was being medicated for it. Is it Autism? Is it ADHD? Whatever it is, it comes with dyscalculia, Spoonerism, and the inability to initiate tasks normally.
Move me, O Muse. I am so full of things begging to be released.
I haven't checked, but if I'm remembering correctly, my last update involved something on the matter of getting a new mando and the muse blessing me with their inspiration.
Ha.
Well. Yes. The mando thing has been coming along (though I've been vacillating between mandola and ukulele tuning), and I even got some nifty finger plectrums so my string picking isn't as quiet as a whisper whenever a song calls for a some speed. Having this newest instrument is really driving it home for me, though, that I am an inexplicably covetous being. Before I got this lil taterbug mando, I felt like I could think of nothing else but getting one. However, before I got my lil lyre, I felt the same way then, too. And before that, there was the taishokoto. And earlier, the pennywhistle. The ocarina, the kalimba, the ukulele, the mini guitar. . . . I was originally just a violist. And yet, my instrument craving still lingers, howling for a hognose psaltery, a hammered dulcimer, a nyckelharpa, and a minstrel's harp.
I even have it in the back of my mind that I should get a DIY kit and build myself a fiddle, but one with mechanical tuning pegs rather than the traditional tension type. I've never build any kind of instrument in my life, but the Craving (TM) whispers enticements into my ear that it would finally the perfect instrument for me, that I would crave no more after I make it. After all, the viola was the thing I was actually trained in, and the only reason I stopped playing was because the fear that the tension tuners would cause the metal strings to snap and cut me because of the not-violin-friendly climate zone I moved into.
This wasn't what I meant when I asked for inspiration from the muse, but this apparently what I got.
To be fair, since the last update, I also took up the challenge of 250k word within 45 days. I play the browser RPG 4TheWords, where players fight monsters by writing, and one of the quests I took up during a special event was that exact challenge. 6k words a day. The good news is that I actually succeeded. The bad news is that I succeeded by working on every WIP I currently have all at once, and even starting new ones as well; any true progress was negligible. None of my priority project even got enough to finish a chapter.
I really don't know why I simply can't get the words on the page. Something about the act of typing just. . . . I don't know. I'm looking into voice-to-text programs to see if I get around myself that way.
It probably won't assist on that front that I've made multiple new social media accounts. I've signed up for Bluesky, Lemmy, Bookwyrm, and Telegram. They're mostly for keeping up with current events (and getting book reccs in the case of Bookwyrm), but I will admit that I have a bit of a scrolling problem. I'm definitely not a doomscroller (as soon my enjoyment drops to a certain level, I'm off the app to do something else), but I do derive a good amount of serotonin from browsing tags I follow. I love getting inspiration from people's artstyles and witticisms. The main problem with that is that doing so keeps me from actually acting on the inspiration.
Executive dysfunction? I don't know if that's actually the term for it, but I've yet to find any other term whose definition sounds like what's going on with me.
I don't know. I want to write, I want to read, I want to play music, I want to watch musicals, I want to craft, I want to sculpt, I want to woodword, I want to research, I want to learn, I want to collect, I want to practice divination, I want to draw, I want, I want, I WANT.
There's not enough time to do everything. But there's so much time, I can't feel the urgency to move.
Damn, I wish I was formally diagnosed with whatever I have, and that I was being medicated for it. Is it Autism? Is it ADHD? Whatever it is, it comes with dyscalculia, Spoonerism, and the inability to initiate tasks normally.
Move me, O Muse. I am so full of things begging to be released.
